Curse

Zaklex · Sep 24, 2005, 02:40 AM // 02:40

Listen to Storm Crow, if I'd had that advice 25 years ago I wouldn't be stuck in the mess I am now.

Knido · Sep 24, 2005, 02:41 AM // 02:41

here my experience:

(im only 14 so have pity)

so me and this girl were friends for a while went out for 8th grade prom at the end of the year and everything went great

and on the last day of school (2 days after prom) they announce the people who made varsity cheerleading

and this girl is a gymanst, and all of a sudden *poof*
her name

so over the summer, she didnt hang out with me, didnt call me, didnt even talk to me.

Once.

so now the new school year started, and i see her in the halls and i dont know what to do : /

Xue Yi Liang · Sep 24, 2005, 02:43 AM // 02:43

Geez.

What can I tell you?

Stop placing the burden of expectation on your shoulders. Don't fear mistakes because, you've really got nothing to lose. Remember, you're not trying to convince her to date you, you're trying to set up an opportunity for getting to know each other better. Most people in college have no problem with that.

Any relationship has to be established over a length of time. Sometimes it's months and sometimes it's minutes before two people are compelled by mutual attraction - often times it's never. Just accept it. Don't think it everything rides on your first conversation with her. Start by saying "Hi."

Don't place her on a pedestal. It just makes you terrified and doesn't acknowledge that she's a person with personal interests and ideas. Until you get to know her, you really don't know if you two would be happy as a couple.

Leave your angst at home. When you talk to her stop listening to that voice in your head and just listen to her. By learning who she is you'll get a better idea if she's someone you'd still be interested in. Just by spending time with her you'll inevitably become less nervous.

By all means, be yourself. It's not really difficult at all to get a date if you're willing to be "a player" but, in the long run, you'll have better and more fulfilling personal relationships if you remain sincere in word and deed.

The title of your thread shouldn't be "Women." This isn't about "Women" it's about a "Woman" -
Learning about women is what a player does.
Learning about one woman is what a real man does.

pyrosamurai · Sep 24, 2005, 02:43 AM // 02:43

First off if you go up to a girl and immediatly ask her out or something that's ok I guess...but it IS better to become friends first. The whole dating thing isn't exactly right...why do you think half the marriages in the US end in divorce? Relationships based on sex or whatever don't work out. Trust me...it's not what's on the outside...but what's on the inside, that is another reason why going up to a random person just because they are cute and asking them out isn't the way to go. Get to know them first on a mutual basis...become their friend. If you share common interests and get along really well...you can take it a step further.

conker · Sep 24, 2005, 02:43 AM // 02:43

even tho the first time i ever asked out a girl (6th grade) was a reject, this is how i did it.. my frineds asked me who i liked and i said the girls name, and they told me she was single. (i had never had a class w/ her, so i didnt know her mucH) after the class i told my friends who i liked they found her for me and i asked in a friendly matter if she wanted 2 goto bruggers(bagel place thingy(lol i cant think of the word)) with me on a 1/2 school day which was the friday of that week. Where i messed up was when she said Uhhhhmmm, i started to laugh ... dont know why(probably becuz i was nervous) then she said No. So, my recommendation is that even if u dont know the girl, just go for it, i THINK she could of said yes but i screwed up.

Arturo02 · Sep 24, 2005, 02:44 AM // 02:44

in the words of the great Norm Pederson...

women, can't live with em...pass the beer nuts

Manderlock · Sep 24, 2005, 02:45 AM // 02:45

Well regardless what approch you use confidence is the key.

Xue Yi Liang · Sep 24, 2005, 02:46 AM // 02:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Knido

so now the new school year started, and i see her in the halls and i dont know what to do : /

Here's a mantra for you...

let it go ...
If you act like it bothers you that won't make you more attractive to her.

let it go....
and if she values your company she will come to you.

let it go....

Xue Yi Liang · Sep 24, 2005, 02:47 AM // 02:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arturo02

in the words of the great Norm Pederson...

women, can't live with em...pass the beer nuts

BINGO!

flashz · Sep 24, 2005, 03:02 AM // 03:02

tell her you play guildwars, she'll fall for you

PieXags · Sep 24, 2005, 03:05 AM // 03:05

Haha, you know I read threads like this and wonder what the hell you're talking about. I've never had trouble talking to women, I never say anything unless I have something to say or unless it's in response to something. Why get tongue-tied? I don't get it. There've been a few people who could've done it for me in the past, but uh...never got tongue tied, or even nervous. I guess that's my self confidence showing through. It's good to not give a RED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GO.

Dauntless · Sep 24, 2005, 03:05 AM // 03:05

I agree with most of the guys here when they say friend first makes it harder. But not impossible. Become her friend but don't get too close cause if you do you'll start to be afraid that if she says no you will loose her as a friend. Do not think that. I was friends with this one girl for like 5 years and I had a crush on her for just about the same amount of time(pathetic I know but I'm a one woman man). Anyway I finally got the nerve up to ask her out a year ago when she had become my best girl friend. She said no on the grounds that she wasnt ready for a relationship yet. She hasn't dated anyone for some time as far as I know so I know she was being truthful with me. She also didn't wanna ruin the friendship. Well it's been pretty awkward since i asked her out and we don't have the same friendship we had before but we're still ok and we're working on the friendship again. I guess what I'm trying to say is, just get to know her a little bit then get it over with. I think the closure has really helped because now I've started to notice all the other girls that I had been missing while I was pining after this girl. Would I still go out with her if I had the opportunity? Yea, in a heartbeat but because I took the plunge I was able to bring closure to my feelings and thus its no longer a big deal to me. I say hang out with her for a little while and then ask her out. But do something special. In my experience(well this is what my female friends have told me) girls like it when guys ask them out in a special way. For instance one of my friends got a boquet of flowers wore a tux and walked up to this girl and asked her out that way. It worked. Sure he was raising the bar for the rest of us but he got what he was after. Keep your eyes on the prize and be persistant. They like persistance from what I have been told.

Any ladies on the board, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

Xue Yi Liang · Sep 24, 2005, 04:06 AM // 04:06

A good informal place to hang out and study with her is Cafe Milano on Bancroft Ave.

Also for future reference:
There's world-class Chez Panisse (started by chef Alice Waters) on Shattuck. There's also a cozy place down on San Pablo and Cedar called Cafe Fanny (also owned by Alice Waters named after her daughter) which is tucked conveniently between a wine shop and Acme Breads - the perfect place for a Sunday morning whether you've spent the weekend together or if you need to nurse heartbreak with a perfect latte served in a large bowl.

OverlordTyrael · Sep 24, 2005, 04:13 AM // 04:13

Just play some Subliminal and chill. lol, I'm not Jewish, but my friend is, and he's shown me some of that music. Seriously, I would give the same advice that many others have given. It's probably not smart to get to know her TOO well, but do make sure she's your type. I'm telling you now that if you become good friends, it's nearly impossible to get a girl to think about you seriously. Just become aquainted each other and let it flow from there.

EternalTempest · Sep 24, 2005, 04:24 AM // 04:24

hmm I hope this helps...

Girl I saw was going out with best friend. Did the smart thing and put it out of my mind and did NOT make a move / show interest. They eventually broke up on there own. We happened to both be library assistants in high school and also had a class with her (shop class actually - best out of the elective courses to choose from that I had to..) previously. So I knew her by name, chatted with her but not as a close friend, think associate but with some basic friendship (she sat in front of me) in there... (thinking she did notice me somewhat) One day after all these events, we were on trip to the mall to buy books for the library and I asked her out on the bus. Her response was maybe. Two days later I got a yes. The reason for the hestation was she had a bad break up with a long term relationship in the past (aka not sure if wanted to start dating again thing).

Since then we've been honest with each other (communication is KEY in a relationship) and let things flow naturally. 10 years later were getting married next month.

Hope you could learn something from this or it applies to your situation.

sino-soviet · Sep 24, 2005, 05:20 AM // 05:20

Thanks for the input guys, I really appreciate it. But the main problem now is talking. I get tongue tied and start mumbling random stuff whenever I talk to girls.

conker · Sep 24, 2005, 05:21 AM // 05:21

Lol what i saw in a show, put on sun glassess and talk to them.. they'll probably think its cute ..

Avari Zi · Sep 24, 2005, 05:23 AM // 05:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by sino-soviet

Thanks for the input guys, I really appreciate it. But the main problem now is talking. I get tongue tied and start mumbling random stuff whenever I talk to girls.

We arn't going to bite you or anything. Just have something thoughtful to say and be assertive and confident, or at least sound confident.

quickmonty · Sep 24, 2005, 05:36 AM // 05:36

remember .... she's probably just as nervous as you are

OverlordTyrael · Sep 24, 2005, 06:07 AM // 06:07

Actually, she's probably not. I know that doesn't exactly help, but hey, I'd rather you have the truth than believe a lie.